And God Said Ha!

There have been times when I've suspected that maybe I did something to make God mad at me. There was the time when I had just gotten my drivers liscense and begged my mom to let me drive it to the local gas station by myself. I promised her two things: 1. I would go straight to the store and come right back. 2. I wouldn't allow anyone else in the car with me. What I didn't tell her was that I was meeting a friend there and we were going to drive to another friends house. On the way home, I was laughing my evil scientist laugh at getting away with my little plan, and I hit a chicken. I felt bad but never planned on telling my mom about it. When I got home, she of course was waiting on my arrival, and flipped out when she saw all the chicken feathers stuck in the grill of her fairly new car.
Then a few years ago, I'm still not sure what I did to piss God off then, but all of the wildlife in West Virginia would go into a daze and either fly themselves or throw themselves in front of my car. I had one friend who refused to ride anywhere with me because she had witnessed four birds, one rabbit, and countless squirrels throw themselves into my car.
Lately, those things have quit. I'm happy to say that I haven't hit any sort of wildlife in over a year. Naturally I thought I had found myself back in God's good graces.
And now, I find myself nine months pregnant. And this child refuses to come out and God has decided to mess with me. Four times now, I have found myself having contractions that progressively get stronger and closer together. Yesterday, I was so sure that I was in labor that I called my mother and made her make the three hour trip here to watch my other two offspring while Chris and I headed to the hospital to have the baby. When we left the house, I was having contractions about five minutes apart. By the time we hit the OB floor, they had spread out to ten minutes apart, and when they hooked me up to the monitor I didn't have one contraction. NOT ONE. So, they made me walk around the hospital for an HOUR to see if it starts back up. I started speed walking around that hospital, and for an hour I didn't stop. I started having contractions again and I could have sworn that I felt myself dilating. I go back up to the floor, sure of my situation only to be told that nothing has changed and to go on home. I even had one male nurse tell me to go home and have sex. I felt like asking him if he knew anyone who would be willing to have sex with me since my husband is terrified of getting his dingle bitten if we do it so he's treating me like I have the plague until the baby's born.
I haven't had a contraction since. I can't figure out why nobody but me knows that I'm done being pregnant. Bring on the next phase and let's have a freakin baby already. I bet God is sitting up there just laughing away at me. Oh look at Tracy thinking that she's done..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHa